Film Review: The Dark Knight

Alright, which one of you pulled the fire alarm? Bender!?!?

With high expectations, a few drinks already imbibed, and tickets procured several weeks ago, two cars full of potential Health Ledger For Oscar fanclub members left their cushy Echo Park hobo homes and drove to the Arclight Cinema in Hollywood for a midnight screening of The Dark Knight. That is the name of the new Batman movie, in case you've bee locked up in a closet getting fisted by your pedophile uncle for the past six or seven months. After a short delay at the upstairs bar, the ten of us piled into Arclight Cinema's theater five for a 12:25am showing. When the lights dimmed, everybody cheered. When the first preview ended, the cheers grew a little louder. Then they showed the Watchmen trailer, and my dick momentarily hardened. Then I recognized the remix of that Smashing Pumpkins they originally wrote for Batman And Robin, and looked on in horror as directory Zach Snyder's trademark slo-mo action sequences brought my dick down from missile-sized to a mere huge stick of dynamite. God, I hope it's not as bad as 300. I will be at the midnight screening for Watchmen on 3.06.09, and I will not be afraid to stand up and say "This sucks" if indeed it sucks.

When the last preview ended, the audience's excitement wasn't just palpable, it was banging you over the head with a clubbed baby seal. The movie opens with a bank heist, and it takes no less than three minutes until our first Heath Ledger as the Joker sighting, a moment that stirred up the emotions of everyone in the theater, who cheered wildly as the psychotic villain kills his supposed partners and gets away clean in a yellow school bus.

The next thing I noticed was that Nester Carbonell (or Richard Alpert to us LOST addicts) was cast as the Mayor of Gotham. Apparently his guyliner-thick eyelashes aren't fake! Who knew! He sits Lt. James Gordon down in his office and I prayed for him to ask, "Which of these things belonged to you...before." Instead, they talked about crime in Gotham or some boring shit.

I'm sure you're all going to see the film, so I won't get too heavy into plot details.

Perhaps the most viscous moment of the film (next to the Harvey Two-Face reveal, that's some makeup job they did on prettyboy Aaron Eckhart) is when the Joker arrives at a private meeting for all the major mob bosses in Gotham, and shows his twisted sense of humor with a very powerful and brutal magic trick involving a thuggish black man and a pencil. Just as the trick is completed -- voila! -- there's a quick scene cut. Odd, the screen is staying black for just a moment too long. People are cheering for the Joker, but the movie seems to have ended right then and there. Oh, no, wait, the fire alarms begin blaring, the emergency lights begin to blink, and theatergoers moan and scream. Some of them even break for the exit. I remained in my seat, listening to Pat shout insults at everyone who decided to leave the theater ("You wouldn't die for Batman!?", "I can't believe the nerds in costume are giving up on Batman!", etc.). Eventually everyone realized there was no fire (duh), and piled back into the theater. An usher got up and apologized, got heckled and booed, and they soon restarted the movie. Apparently the scene with the pencil wasn't even over. Oh well.

A few things about the film I didn't like. First and foremost, the scenes at the climax of the film involving two boats rigged to explode, where each boat is given the detonator attached to the other boat, and told by the Joker that one has to blow up the other before midnight or they'll all be blown to bits. Of course, one boat is filled with families and good, salt-of-the-earth folks, and the other is full of all the convicts from Gotham's prison. The way the writers handled that situation totally fucking lost me, and they soured the next twenty-five or thirty minutes for me, because I had to keep telling myself, "Did I just see that? Is that the most retarded thing I've seen in a movie all year?" I'm not kidding you, it was a Shrooms moment: the boat containing the good people are yelling and complaining about how they should blow up the convicts and one guy yells, "Let's put it to a vote! And the man holding the detonator says, "Okay, let's put it to a vote." Are you fucking kidding me? Would that ever happen in real life? There were 500 people on that boat, they fucking sat their in an orderly fashion, not really too concerned that the convicts might be killing everyone on their own boat to get the detonator and kill them, and decided to put it to a vote. Then, in the span of maybe five minutes, they hand out little pieces of paper and pencils to everyone, collect all the votes, and count all 600 responses. Meanwhile, the convicts are all just standing around waiting to see what happens. Yeah, I believe that. Not a ruthless killer among them, I'm sure. Not one guy who wants to rip the detonator from the hands of the guy in charge. I'm sorry, they really lost me with that one. Highly retarded.

The Batbike. It looked stupid, it performed some cool stunts, but it was also entirely unnecessary. The Batmobile apparently has a fatal flaw (hint, it can't take a direct shot from a bazooka) which called for the creation of a Batbike. I'm pretty sure I hit the nail on the head when I said that some asshole art director showed up one day with a drawing of a totally bitchin' Batbike, and an argument ensued about how to fit it into the movie, because the Batmobile is indestructible. "No, no no" says the artist holding the goofy looking cycle, "What if...the Batmobile...becomes the Batbike." Sir, you're getting a raise. That's a brilliant idea. A five year old could have designed and implemented a nicer bike than you, but they used it anyway.

Which leaves me with two things to discuss. First, the movie ran a little long. It reminded me of AI in that there's a possible ending to the film, and then it goes on for another 25 minutes. It was an excellent movie, dark, funny, full of great action and acting...but I don't need almost three hours of Batman. 120, 130 minutes, that's about where I max out on my Batpatience.

Lastly, but most importantly, my Heath Ledger is not Jesus rant. He played an awesome Joker. He took the character in an entirely different direction than Jack Nicholson, and played the part with more malice than any other Batman villain -- or any other super villain from any other comic-to-film adaptation -- I've ever seen. Granted, old Batman characters were dressed in fucking goofy costumes (hello, Mr. Freeze) and directed by Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher, so it's not like it's a fair comparison, but Ledger's performance as revolutionary? I don't think so. People in the movie industry do realize that they're comparing this to this and this, right? Ledger had the added benefit of being directed by Christopher Nolan, whose re-imagining of this franchise has taken it to darker and more sinister places than ever before. Is it any wonder that this incarnation of the Joker is the most sickeningly awesome yet? Could the entirety of the character be attributed to Heath Ledger -- the pudding-eating gay cowboy and star of 10 Things I Hate About You -- or could five other actors have stepped into this role and pulled it off just as well. I imagine the answer lays closer to the latter than the former. Talented? Yes. Oscar worthy? You have to be fucking kidding me. It would not surprise me if he became the recipient a posthumous nomination, because Hollywood (and the entertainment industry as a whole) so loves to show us commoners how progressive and caring and enlightened they are. What better way to toot their collective horn than to honor the guy who "accidentally" overdosed on drugs just as he was blossoming into one of the brightest talents in the world (that is to say, he could have been one of the best ever at "faking being somebody else," as David Cross once said). It would be a crime to capitalize on Ledger's death because -- while his performance is wonderful -- I think the real impetus would be to stroke the egos of self-important Hollywood actors who are endlessly searching for a new cause to undertake, a new flag to fly, and a new fan to tell them how wonderful and thoughtful and heroic they are, not his great performance.

And now, I release you back from whence you came. You may now go enjoy The Dark Knight and decide for yourself. I say "It's fucking good!"

Shoreline - Kings
Bali - Gamelan Angklug (Margepati)
Hirut Bekele & Police Orchestra - Ewnetegna Feker
V/A - Prosperous Majesty (Enchanting Musical Treasures From Burma)
Children Eating Birds - Backseat / Frontseat

"A group originating in Dusseldorf. The von Baksay's escaped from Hungary in 1956 and settled in Dusseldorf. The band Dom came into existence in 1969 and performed live at Cream Cheese, the city's leading club for rock music. Their private pressing Edge Of Time was recorded in 1972 at the Neubauer studio. Featured on the album were four long and mostly instrumental tracks. It was an interesting melange of psychedelic, cosmic and folk music in a rather dark and low key meditative atmosphere. "Introitus" (8:50) opened the album in an almost spooky way with acoustic guitars, flute and hand percussion. Later in the track an organ created a spirited mood akin to the vintage Pink Floyd's "Cirrus Minor". "Silence" (8:46) was a sinister trip into deep space with organ, unintelligible voices, acoustic guitar, electronic effects and flute. "Edge Of Time" (9:01) sounded as if Kalacakra and Tangerine Dream jammed together out in space. The spoken lyrics of the track summarize the trippy mood of the whole album: "You will meet me there / at the edge of time / the fire-sea licking my feet / gas and damp, wind and rain / snow, heat, waters, ice and pain / damned souls cry "forgiveness!" / the past will be future and future will be past / not one thing in our world that will ever last / only you and me / until eternity shall that spirit / one containing two / wander through space and peace we knew". "Dream" (9:33) concluded the album much like the quiet parts of Floyd's "Careful With That Axe, Eugene" and "Quicksilver". Edge Of Time is unreservedly recommended for all fans" - My Generation

Dom
Edge Of Time
MediaFire Download Link

Tracks:
01. Introitus
02. Silence
03. Edge Of Time
04. Dream

Tags: Batman, The Dark Knight, midnight screening, Arclight Cinema, Hollywood, Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, dead guy, Joker, Oscar winner, fire alarm, Watchmen, Zach Snyder, Smashing Pumpkins, 300, South Park, Nester Carbonell, LOST, Richard Alpert, guyliner, Aaron Eckhart, Harvey Two-Face, Batbike, Batmobile, boats, votes, wasted time, Oscar nomination, Hollywood, self-important, smug, Actor's Guild, critique, rant, mp3, blog, download, Dom, Edge Of Time, Shoreline, Children Eating Birds, gamelan, Burma, world music

Film Review: The Dark Knight (Prologue)

What kind of asshole goes and pulls the fire alarm immediately following the moment when Heath Ledger's Joker makes a pencil disappear as part of a very unique, brutal trick? I'll tell you who: some moron at the Arclight tonight, not thirty minutes after our midnight screening began. I so wanted to get up in front of the crowd and pretend I was an usher, reassure everybody that there was no fire, and then admit that I didn't work at the theater, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Unfortunately, stage fright got the best of me. I guess the asshole who pulled the fire alarm did help me get a free pass to a future movie anytime I want. Whatever, the movie was very, very good. I'll be sure to write all about the highs, the lows (boat votes, anyone?), the weird (Richard Alpert sighting, plus Zeus from No Holds Bard), and even my thoughts on Heath Ledger's rave reviews...starting tomorrow morning.

It's 4am now, and I have to work today.

Tags: Batman, The Dark Knight, review, midnight screening, Heath Ledger, Arclight cinema, fire alarm, sleepy

Film Review: Shrooms

Holy shit, people. This one might be the holy grail. You all know how much I love terrible movies -- especially ones that achieve the so-called "triple crown of awfulsome," which is a title I've just now invented. That is, a movie that fails miserably on the three most important levels: writing, acting, and direction. House Of Wax and AntiTrust are both triple crown winners. I've been searching for another candidate for nearly two years, and this past week a film arrived at the store that I swear to God...it was love at first sight. I knew that the film could very well reify my belief in terrible movies, so last night I sat down and enjoyed it. Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you a little story about Shrooms.

The movie opens hastily on an airplane, where two girls are talking about how excited they are to be traveling to Ireland for a summer vacation. One of them blurts out that she's mostly excited to take shrooms. The other girl expresses shock that her friend would do something like that considering she's such a goody-goody, but the scene unexpectedly cuts to a baggage claim in Ireland, where the girls are meeting with the rest of their friends. Everyone is excitedly talking about shrooming. Well, that's odd. How could one girl surprise her friend by expressing her desire to eat some mushrooms when its made abundantly clear that these five kids all came to Ireland simply to hang out in the woods and trip? Don't worry, there will be plenty more inexplicably erroneous moments that force you to suspend belief while watching this film.

Next scene, the kids are in a van with their "guide" a local Irish fellow who appears to be a cross between Skeet Ulrich and Orlando Bloom. He's got a big book of mushrooms and he's telling everybody how wonderful the trip is going to be. They're laughing, pointing at pictures of shrooms that look like cocks, and two of the dudes are smoking pot in the back seat. It's a totally laid back, super-chill time. Just eat the mushrooms with the nipples on top that Skeet Ulrich points to in the book, and the rest of your stay in Ireland will be pleasant and spiritually enriching.

They reach the campsite, and begin foraging for mushrooms. One of the characters attempts to pick up a mushroom, but the Skeet Ulrich guy runs over and stops him. No you idiot, you're supposed to eat the ones that look like they have nipples on the top, he says (to that one guy only), not the ones that look like they have black nipples on the top! Those ones will kill you, and if they don't kill you, they'll cause you to commune with the dead, make you utterly ferocious and violent, and probably fuck you up for the rest of your life! God, what a moron that character was, almost eating the mushroom with the black nipple instead of the mushroom with the nipple. It's a very dumb moment, because if there were deadly mushrooms that looked exactly like the good mushrooms, you'd figure this guy would have said something to the entire group when he was showing them the book of all the different kinds of mushrooms they would be encountering, but...I guess it must have slipped his mind that the ones with nipples were good and the ones with black nipples would kill you. Also, he revealed this startling detail in the company of only one person, instead of warning the other people in the group. So, unsurprisingly, one of the girls eats one of the black nippled mushrooms not two minutes later, and almost dies.

When she wakes up, she's convinced she can see into the future, and in that future everybody is going die. Her trip isn't made any easier when the rest of the kids are sitting right outside her tent loudly telling ghost stories by the campfire. Meanwhile, not fifteen feet away, their poor, sick friend is trying to straighten out her mind. The tour guide decides -- now that everyone has ingested the good shrooms -- he should tell them the story about the murderous creepy people who live in these very woods! Yeah, that's a great way to keep all the trippers in good spirits. Surely no one will descend into madness or have their experience soured.

If you can believe it, they all start dying one by one at the hands of either a guy who wears a bag over his head, or a dude in a black robe with a 3" blade attached to a piece of wood (which some of us like to call an axe, but hey -- I didn't write the screenplay, if those guys want to keep calling it a three-inch blade attached to a piece of wood, that's fine with me). The girl who ate the black nipple mushroom continues to see the deaths of all her friends before they happen, and you'll never believe the surprise ending...which we successfully predicted less than halfway through the film.

I think my favorite moment (the moment that solidifies this film as winning the "triple crown of awfulsome") comes at the very end of the story. Of course, there is one survivor. That person is seen running away from the scene of the last grisly murders, until they suddenly come in contact with...something. I don't know if it's a person or a tree. Anyway, the next shot is that person being airlifted out of the woods on a stretcher. But then, for some reason, the next scene takes place back at the camp site, where the survivor is being treated in the rear of an ambulance. So I guess the helicopter chose to fly her about a hundred yards to her tent rather than to a hospital. Interesting play, Mr. Director. Very interesting...

One might suppose that Shrooms is a horror story in the vein of Blair Witch Project, and the DVD case actually quotes somebody declaring it is "Blair Witch on acid!" I beg to differ. It's obviously one of the worst modern horror movies ever conceived, but it's also too funny not to suffer through. Wait a minute, is "horrorble" a better made-up word than "awfulsome"? Nah. Anyway, as a purveyor of all cinema terible (that's a French term, I think) I highly recommend this film. Get it? I said "highly"? The movie is about drug use? Ah, blow me.

The only possible thing that could have made this movie better would be if the blonde girl was portrayed by Sarah Wheeler from that Flying Scissors movie that Ken worked on. I wonder what happened to her...

Cactus - My Lady From South Of Detroit
Mountaineer - The Strangest Sound
Songs Of Green Pheasant - The Burning Man
Spectre Folk - You Showed Me

"The original NIRVANA was founded at United Kingdom in year 1967 by Irish born Patrick Campbell-Lyons and Greek guitarist Alex Spyropoulos. Their original line-up consisted of six musicians, but the persons and number of them varied during the following years. The band was active to the early 70's, but they have produced new material sporadically at the present day. Their music is melodic late 60's pop building up from a large palette of styles (rock, pop, folk, jazz, Latin rhythms and classical music), and their work have been compared to THE BEATLES albums "Revolver" and "Rubber Soul", MOODY BLUES and early PROCOL HARUM. There are also some classical chamber music elements in their recordings due their orchestrations." - Prog Archives

Nirvana [U.K.]
To Marcos III
Media Fire Download Link

Selected tracks:
The World Is Cold Without You
I Take To My Room
Christopher Lucifer
Illinois

Tags: film review, movie review, critique, Shrooms, horror, thriller, mushrooms, horrible, mushrooms, nipples, airlift, murder, bag head, axe, murder, murder most foul, worst acting, awful direction, inept writing, great, fucking brilliant, Sarah Wheeler, Flying Scissors, mp3, blog, download, Cactus, Mountaineer, Songs Of Green Pheasant, Spectre Folk, Nirvana, To Marcos III

Film Review: Wall-E

Nicholas from Connecticut! Alex from Florida! Bill from San Diego! You are all upstanding citizens, and your greatness cannot be measured by mere complex mathematics. Surely you will all go to heaven when you die, where you will be fellated by beautiful women for all eternity. If you have not already, please donate, dear readers. If you have donated, there's no need to donate again. Let the other readers pick up the slack. If you're wondering why I am holding a fundraiser, it is because my roommates are moving out and taking their turntable with them, and I don't have money to buy a new one and the new phone/contract I have to purchase this week. If you love the music you hear on this page, and want to continue hearing it (that's not a threat, it just means I will not be able to rip weird, rare, vinyl-only releases anymore), you should donate a few dollars to this page so that I can purchase a new turntable. There is a Paypal link at the top left corner of this page. Or, you can e-mail me and I'll provide you with a mailing address if you want to send a check instead of using Paypal. Thank you. Remember, each donor will be rewarded with a personal "Thank You" gift that I will be tailoring to each person once the web-a-thon has ended.

Well, I waited as long as I possibly could, but last night I finally had to give in and take Nicci to see Wall-E. The week it opened, pretty much everybody I interacted with mentioned how they had just just gone to see it. They all said it was incredible. I, being the staunch contrarian that I am, suggested that each one of them was a "total fucking retard" who "probably didn't know what the fuck they were talking about."

"No," they told me, "It's so not a kids movie." In fact, it was just the opposite! One by one, they informed me that Wall-E is rife with social commentary, that I'd barely notice I was watching an animated film, and that it's --at it's core -- a love movie. I remained skeptical, as all skeptics do until they finally give something a chance to impress them. When I suggested dinner and a movie to Nicci, she instantly perked up and asked if we could see Wall-E. Whatever.

I don't remember who suggested seeing the film at El Capitan, but...oh man, what a weird way to see a movie. They make everyone line up in an alley adjacent to the theater, and then someone ushers everybody inside at the same time. Unless you have VIP seats, you have to sit in the second tier, I think, because no one was allowed to enter the first level of seats. We got pretty good aisle seats near the center VIP seats on the second tier. As we made our way inside, the soothing sounds of a Wurlitzer greeted us. Some guy performs old Disney songs on his organ (wouldn't that make for a cool YouTube video -- a guy playing Disney tunes with his dick?) while people in the crowd hum or sing along. I instantly started to wonder what neat gadget I could have purchased for myself with the $25 I spent on two movie tickets. Nicci seemed to be enjoying herself and the Wurlitzer tunes.

They showed two previews, both of which made me die inside a little bit. There was the one where there's a dog who's in a Truman Show scenario, and another that has animated Chihuahuas singing "Chihuahua" over and over. "No" I said to Nicci.

After the previews but before the movie, they did a revue of old Disney tunes with dancers and people dressed in costume parading around the stage in front of the movie screen. I couldn't get beyond the fact that people in the audience were clapping as the characters entered the stage. What the hell is wrong with people? Do they really think, "Oh! It's the lobster from The Little Mermaid"? Are they that dense? It's a fucking goofball acting student from some community college wearing a cheap costume. They really don't need to have their arrivals on stage cheered. I could maybe understand cheering if like, Tom Hanks and Tim Allen were accepting an award for being in Toy Story, but...for fuck's sake...people were snapping photos like they were witnessing a moment of historical importance, and really it was nothing short of middle school choreography and disco ball.

The movie. What can I say about the movie. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I certainly wouldn't call it one of the year's best films. Then again, I don't see a lot of movies, so who knows. Perhaps someone who goes to the movies often would think Wall-E is great compared to, like, American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile. I thought the social commentary was a bit pedestrian. I mean, is it really poignant to address how we're slothful and arrogant and dumb and ruining our planet when pretty much everyone already knows how horrible we're treating ourselves and our planet? I really wouldn't say that the movie's message spoke to issues that aren't already commonly addressed in films or on television.

Every few minutes I was reminded of Idiocracy. The rampant consumerism, laziness and ineptitude, the design of the ship and the advertisements shown on all the monitors and television screens were total throwbacks to the aforementioned Mike Judge film, Futurama and more. I thought the not-so-subtle nod to 2001: A Space Odyssey was "cute", but then again I'm really a fan of "cute". I don't know if it's an incredible coincidence that Sigourney Weaver was the voice of Ship's Computer in Wall-E almost six years after she voiced the Planet Express Ship in the episode of Futurama entitled "Love and Rocket", which was also loosely based on 2001: A Space Odyssey. Spooky, I know.

The animation was good. It's definitely a lot different than the Disney movies I remember seeing as a kid. People were telling me that, "after a while you forget that you're watching an animated movie," but I never really got that feeling. Don't get me wrong, when it's just the robot trolling around making trash piles, it doesn't look much like animation, but that cockroach character and the more-futuristic robot girl both definitely looked animated.

Ah, the love story. Totally heart-warming, in a way that my heart isn't normally warmed. But then again, I don't like love stories. I'm more a fan of films where high school girls give it up for free, and dudes run around with guns blazing, shooting everything that breathes. My favorite movie as a child was Terminator 2. I liked how the Terminator shot anything in his path, even if he didn't have to. I also liked that Guns 'N' Roses song at the end of the film. Wall-E would have been a billion times better if it had some dudes ripping guitar solos all over the place while chugging beers and breaking the bottles over their heads. That would have rocked. Instead, I had to watch two animated robots fall in love with each other and a fat dude voiced by Jeff Garlin ask his computer "Define 'sea'".

If you're looking to see a movie, you can do a lot worse than Wall-E. You could accidentally stumble into a theater showing Love Guru or Meet Dave. Me? I'm more excited for the new Batman movie -- which I'll be previewing Wednesday night / Thursday morning, and reviewing Thursday. Expect me to rant about how that dead guy from Ten Things I Hate About You does not deserve Oscar consideration for playing The Joker. In a Batman movie. I can't even remember his name anymore. Oh well, he's dead now.

Last May at the Bottled Smoke Festival here in Los Angeles, I was talking to Jefre Cantu about his label and some of its current releases. I told him how highly I thought of Zelienople's Stone Academy, and he told me that if I liked that record, I should buy the LP he just put out by Grouper. He told me that he was just about to sell out of them, and if my memory serves me correctly he didn't even charge me for it. His label's website states, "Cover The Windows And The Walls is the first vinyl only release by Portland resident Liz Harris under her Grouper moniker. Slightly shedding back the layers of billowing twilight distortion and murmur, these songs reveal more of the acoustic guitar & vocal core that has always been at the center of Grouper's tape hiss blues. This record is a stunning document of shimmering dream melodies that feel a lot more like ancient rituals rather than songs. Playing to her strengths, Liz has created her most arresting material to date. "Lost in a Dreamworld, West Coast Natural"". Although I did not give it the credit it deserved on my Top 100 albums of 2007 list, this is definitely one of my favorite minimalist experimental albums. You will fall in love with it. I don't know if it's available on CD. I kind of doubt it. If it is, let me know.

Grouper
Cover The Windows And The Walls
MediaFire Download Link

Tracklist:
01. Cover The Windows And The Walls
02. Opened Space
03. Down To The Ocean
04. Heart Currents
05. It Feels Alright
06. You Never Came
07. Follow In Our Dreams

Tags: Wall-E, movie review, film review, Sigourney Weaver, Jeff Garlin, animation, Disney, Pixar, El Capitan, Wurlitzer, fundraiser, web-a-thon, telethon, donations, financial aid, begging, crying, hoping, groveling, mp3, blog, download, rare, out-of-print, Grouper, Cover The Windows And The Walls, Root Strata

TV Review: Californication

Ever in search of that elusive good television program to help pass the time between seasons of LOST, I have stumbled upon the Showtime program Californication, which I hesitate to refer to by name due to its being embarrassingly confusable with the Red Hot Chili Peppers album of same name. Phew, long opening sentence! We watched the pilot episode two nights ago, and then skipped ahead to episode six, then went back to episode four last night. It's no LOST, that's for sure.

I will address the numerous liberties the creators have taken in developing a plot in a moment, but first I want to mention the writing. It is atrocious. More so than with an epic prime-time drama, it is unacceptable for a program's writing to be called into question when its central character is himself a writer. How can a series evolve into something special when it revolves around an author who speaks mostly in cliches, and never seems to deliver any effective, thought-provoking rhetoric? Are we to believe that the guy is so troubled he is utterly incapable of saying anything inspiring? I mean, I hardly consider myself to be a writer, but even I utter more expressive, stimulating thoughts in a day than Hank Moody (David Duchovny) does in one twenty-eight minute episode.

The writing deficiency is not just limited to Duchovny's character, either. It is a pandemic. It is my belief that there have been way too many topical references in TV shows for the past few years, but Californication really ups the ante as far as "Google" "MySpace" "YouTube" "blog" and other timely references are concerned. What drives me crazy about television shows like Family Guy is how temporal the writing is. What the hell significance is a joke about MySpace going to have in a future where MySpace has been rendered superficial or worse, completely forgotten? The name-checking of of-the-moment trends is not a harbinger of quality writing. I call this the Juno effect. If anyone gives a shit about that movie in five years, I'll buy you all steaks.

If the writing of the show is irksome, the general scope of the plot is downright implausible. I'm sorry, but I have to take umbrage at the intentions of creator Tom Kapinos. I understand that most folks watch TV because they're looking to escape their otherwise mundane lives, but come on...authors aren't rock stars who can fuck anybody they desire. Women aren't lining up to fuck The New York Times' best sellers. Sixteen year old bombshells won't lie about their age to fuck James Patterson or John Grisham. I keep thinking that writer/creator Kapinos simply dreams of being David Duchovny's character, and he gets off on fantasies of himself reliving the experiences he writes into each episode. For a guy whose only career credit before creating Californication was working on Dawson's Creek, can you blame him?

The sole purpose for watching this show is to see lots and lots of topless women, like the "sixteen year old" -- and even that is uncomfortable, seeing as how she used to play the little girl on The Nanny -- and Rachel Miner from the Larry Clark flick Bully. It's also inspiring in the sense that it makes me feel the familiar urge to get off my ass and write more. Why? So that I can hopefully someday provide entertainment for you that isn't steeped in overt trashiness and lowest-common-denominator jokes. Yeah, I need to start writing again.

13th Floor Elevators - Til Then
Leo Kottke - Sunrise
Nico - Afraid
Ufomammut - Stigma

"The year was 1975. CAN, the biggest name in Krautrock, released the poor Landed, and would sell out with their next album. Amon Duul II, another founding Krautrock band, was pretty much completely dead (at least as far as their ability to make music that mattered). NEU! was in the process of breaking up, and released a patchy album (albeit with some great material on it, but also some equally not-so- great). Faust was in the midst of a five-year disappearance. Ash Ra Temple was gone, and their follow- up, Ashra, would not produce a studio album until 1977. 1975 was not, in short, the greatest year Krautrock had seen. It seemed to be entering a decline (one it has not ever really exited) like the one symphonic prog hit in the late 1970s as the big names like Yes and Genesis turned pop. But amidst this turmoil there arose an amazing band...Dzyan, and they were out to show that Krautrock was still alive and kicking, and, wow, did they ever succeed.

The songs on this album incorporate Krautrock “freakouts,” ethnic influences, avant-garde percussion, great mellotron work (as another reviewer put it, “mellotrons from hell”), and just a tad of everything else you can think to name. "Back to Where We Come From", the opening song, contains a liberal dose of spacey sound effects and also uses the same instrument King Crimson used for the beginning of Larks’ Tongues in Aspic Part 1 to start, and then slowly incorporates all the elements I mentioned earlier (and a few more as well). The drumming/percussion on this song is some of the greatest I’ve heard, continuing in the Krautrock tradition of stealing the show (though they do tone it down just enough – which isn’t much – to allow for a similarly wonderful guitar solo near the end). A Day In My Life shows amazing use of the sitar, and The Road Not Taken builds up for three and a half wonderful minutes to one of the greatest Krautrock freakouts I know, which ends the song in marvelous fashion. Again, it’s impossible not to mention the drumming, which is as incredible as ever. Khali blends the sitar of A Day in My Life with the “mellotrons from hell” a fellow reviewer mention. For Earthly Thinking is probably the standout song on this album, building perfectly to include all of the elements I mentioned earlier before hitting a Krautrock freakout even better than that on A Day in My Life. This song is almost post-rock in nature, given its lengthy-buildup-to-amazing-climax format, a genre that, like world music, would not be defined until much later (I’m not suggesting that this song sounds like post-rock, just that it foresees the basic post-rock structure). Electric Silence (the title track) closes the album just as wonderfully as it began, with more amazing percussion, ethnic influences, and the like." - Prog Archives

Dzyan
Electric Silence
MediaFire Download Link

Tracklist:
01. Back To Where We Come From
02. A Day In My Life
03. The Road Not Taken
04. Khali
05. For Earthly Thinking
06. Electric Silence

Tags: Californication, David Duchovny, Tom Kapinos, Rachel Miner, review, television program, writing, plot, 13th Floor Elevators, Leo Kottke, Nico, Ufomammut, Dzyan, Electric Silence, mp3, blog, download

Record Review: Unfair Critiques Of Unsolicited Promotional Mailings

When you reach the apex of the blogosphere, record labels and PR firms from around the world want to be your friend. They'll send you countless albums in the hopes that you will write positive reviews and help launch careers. If they really, really care, they'll show up at your doorstep with a bindle of blow and a high-priced hooker and announce, "wanna hear this awesome new band's CD?" I hate turning those guys away, but I've got a very important routine of blogging in my underwear and going to work for minimum wage, and I don't need another drug problem right now. At the very least, if you are sent unsolicited materials to review, you'll be too embarrassed to have your name affiliated with a soul-crushingly pedestrian band, and you'll get $3 in store credit from the local second-hand record store when you sell the promo just to get it out of your study or home office or wherever it is you choose to blog.

This is the situation I find myself in more often than not. But today, dear readers, I'm going to take the opportunity to write several short paragraphs about some of the albums that have made their way into my mailbox this month. So, without further a-doody...

The Chap
Mega Breakfast
Available on Lo Recordings

I'm not a fan of the artwork. It looks like it's going to contain shitty electronic music, like another putrid LCD Soundsystem record. The title, Mega Breakfast, recalls the glory days of terrible album titles, an oft-overlooked era most recently mined by CoCorosie with their, The Adventures Of Ghosthorse and Stillborn record. The Chaps' opening track (I hesitate to call it a "song") repeats the word "dance floor" ad nauseam before the vocalist utters something like, "heartthrob hits the dance floor." This is about as enjoyable as uncontrollable diarrhea after a night of beer and taco truck food; an album replete with pulsating laptop rhythms and a British accent discussing my least favorite of all venues, the dance club. The second track is even worse. No discernible instruments, just computerized glitches, break-beats, and utter crap lyrics. Where are the pyrotechnics and the silly-shaped guitars squealing out razor-sharp solos? The Shane MacGowan puking and pissing in the same bucket? The dyed-blonde chicks licking their own tits and screaming for someone in the band to fuck them from the audience? Mega Breakfast is total gay bar camp. I don't know who listens to this kind of music, but I certainly don't envy them. It's records like Mega Breakfast that force me to look around at the albums my fellow bloggers are reviewing and feel like a completely useless and disrespected piece of shit. [Listen to "They Have A Name"]

Mock Orange
Captain Love
Available on Wednesday Recordings

Totally excited about reviewing Captain Love. Totally unable to control my sarcasm anymore. It's nice to see bands like The Decemberists have been around long enough to start influencing new bands. Mock Orange would have done better to name themselves "Mock Turtleneck", because their sound is probably very popular with kids who dress like forced-anal-intrusion-in-waiting high school geeks. Bright acoustic guitars, marching band drums, a singer who sounds like the guy from Modest Mouse drunk on too much Mountain Dew and World of Warcraft. The problem with bands like The Arcade Fire is that they've confused bands into believing that adding quirky flourishes is cool and interesting, when in reality it usually tells me that the basic melodies of the songs aren't any fucking good so the band conspires to draw our attention away from the complete blandness of the songs. [Listen to "Captain Love"]

And This Army
The Skin Of Teeth

And this is why we don't start band names with the word "And". It's grammatically incorrect. Plus: And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. You see my point? Their hype sheet begins, "Brooklyns..." Wait a minute, I can't get behind a band that so heavily touts the fact that they are from Brooklyn. I mean, who gives a shit? It's fucking Brooklyn. Is it really worth making your band's URL include the BKNY thing? How about just using your band name? There's a lot of fucking garbage music from Brooklyn, why the shit do you want to affiliate yourself with it? +/-? Sucks. The Honorary Title? Sucks. My Brightest Diamond? Sucks. Asobi Seksu? Sucks. Clap Your Hands Say Suck? Sucks. Vietnam? You really want to laud yourselves for making music in the same town as all those douches? Go right ahead, it's not making me like your band any more. The press release continues, "...gained notoriety in 2006 with their debut LP...which tempered bludgeoning atmospheric metal and dissonant noise with some seriously catchy, poppy songcraft." What the fuck is a "songcraft" anyway? Is that a word? Or is that like saying "lifestyle" instead of "life". I guess what that means is, they use a lot of fuzz pedals, but they're not so far out there that they don't know how to write a simple melody? Too bad. Why don't you sound more like the Psychic Paramount. Now there's a New York band I love, than I can really "get behind" (like a woman, to fuck).

Vanilla Swingers (More like "Vanilla Singers"! Get it? Because their voices do nothing for me, they're just... vanilla?)
Vs.
Available on Radio Ballads Records

There comes a moment in every music journalist's (HAHAHAHA) life when he feels like he's hit bottom. Nothing sounds good to him anymore (they're mostly males, without any strong interpersonal relationships), and he starts to question why on Earth he's sitting in his bedroom in an overheated apartment listening to crap music, when he should be selling out and hyping all the already over-hyped acts just to score hot interviews, widen his audience, gain advertising revenue and feel like he's a part of the cool blogging scene. Then he hears the first ten seconds of the first song of this Vanilla Swingers album he's supposed to try and review -- the one with a cover that looks like a freeze-frame from a taut psychological thriller starring Clive Owen and Jodie Foster -- and he instantly stops the CD and reaches for his gun, ultimately choosing to blow his brains out rather than make it through the next two minutes and forty-three seconds. Is the second track better than the first? Is it even worth remaining alive to figure out? [Listen to "The Town"]

Grantura
In Dreams and Other Stories
Available on Ruffa Lane Records

Whoa alt-country. Someone likes The Byrds ... or maybe Ryan Adams. This is definitely the most palatable of the CDs that have arrived in my mailbox recently. At least it's not dance music or Christian Rock. Although Gram Parsons wrote a lot of Christian-themed songs, and he was in The Byrds. Wait, maybe I'm not listening close enough. Nope, it's just good-timey old country music. Except apparently Grantura are from the UK. Well how the fuck does that happen? Shouldn't British bands be influenced by, like, The Clash or The Killers, and not Hank Williams and Gram Parsons? They need more multi-part harmonies. Constant harmonies. The ones on "Land Of The Big Skies" are good. The rest...whatever. More twelve string, Roger McGuinn! I just picture a bunch of ugly dudes with bad teeth, closing their eyes while trying to hit the notes. Like, the ugliest teeth ever. Like a muppet cartoon with gnarly, twisted fucking hooked teeth that extend so far outward, even a closed mouth exposes bits of tooth. Fucking gross British people. [Listen to "Waves"]

If you or a loved one would like to see your band unfairly reviewed, please e-mail me your requests for free press.

A customer came into the store yesterday and was shocked to see all the great krautrock/prog titles we just put up for sale (Amon Duul I and II, Brainticket, Kollektiv, Dzyan, Alice, Abacus, Gomorrha, Ash Ra Tempel, Agitation Free, Cressida, Peter Michael Hamel, more!). He asked to see a few of the albums (I'm pretty sure he purchased the Dzyan), and we talked for thirty minutes or so about the genre. He told me I needed to go home and look up a band called My Solid Ground, so now that I've found it I will present you with it. The self-titled album from 1971 is legendary in krautrock/progressive circles, often hailed as a masterpiece. The music is sometimes aggressive, sometimes melancholic. It features superb lysergic guitars, weird and spacy distorted voices, and great organ works. My Solid Ground often draws comparisons to Pink Floyd or Group 1850. The album was recorded in Köln, and originally issued on Bacillus, a label that ranks right up there with Brain and Ohr. They put out stuff by Nektar, Krokodil, Omega and more. A couple of tracks like the massive 13-minute opening "Dirty Yellow Mist" and "The Executioner" reveal the secrets of early 70s psych/rock with monotonous, spacy riffing grinding into the third mind zone.

My Solid Ground
My Solid Ground
MediaFire Download Link

Tracklist:
01. Dirt Yellow Dust
02. Flash Party IV
03. That's You
04. The Executioner
05. Melancholie
06. Handful Of Grass
07. Devonshire Street W1
08. X
09. Y
10. Z

Tags: blogosphere, record reviews, albums, public relations, The Chap, Mega Breakfast, Mock Orange, Captain Love, And This Army, Brooklyn, Vanilla Swingers, Vs, Grantura, In Dreams and Other Stories, My Solid Ground, psych, krautrock, prog rock, mp3, blog, download

Record Review: Spiritualized - Songs In A&E

Jason Pierce and Spiritualized have been something of an anomaly over the course of their eighteen-year existence. Following the dissolution of Spacemen 3, Pierce assembled Spiritualized to expand upon his "electric blues" pop-songwriting style while former collaborator Pete Kember forged an experimental electronic path. Since 1990, the recorded output of Spiritualized has stylistically shifted -- at times to the detriment of the music -- but always remained true to the simple, repetitive, and effective model that Pierce crafted during the Spacemen 3 years. Sometimes (Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space and Let It Come Down specifically) it appeared as if perfection was imminent, but the band's last album Amazing Grace, was a huge step in the wrong direction. Five years removed from that record, Pierce has returned with what is his most personal album to date, Songs In A & E.

This review is not going to delve into the life-threatening battle with pneumonia that Pierce faced in 2005, because every other publication has referenced it in great detail, and because the bulk of these songs were written before Pierce fell ill. Instead, it will focus on the music. After all, that's what matters most, right?

Lyrically, not much has changed over the last eighteen years. "Babe" this and "soul" that -- at least Pierce keeps thematic likenesses sounding fresh. Grating though it may be for some listeners, the barrage of songs detailing love and loss never seem to grow tired. Here he sounds surprisingly optimistic. No more "good for nothing" or "I've been abused and I've been used" lyrics, on Songs In A&E there is a prevailing sense of what one might call blind hope. "I Gotta Fire" and "Yeah Yeah" in particular. Of course, the drug/death/religion paradigm remains tacit as ever. Some express contempt for Spacemen 3 and Spiritualized based on the deification of drugs in the lyrics, some love it, and most simply learn to accept it (ever-present as it is). On this newest effort, Pierce has toned it down, but there are both obvious and implied winks spread across the album.

Musically, Songs In A&E stands alone as Spiritualized's most stripped-down, bare-essentials recording yet. Gone are the days of massive guitars (Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space), and 100-plus session musicians (Let It Come Down). Pedal tones and extended drones are still the foundation for most tunes. "Baby I'm Just A Fool" even contains a string loop that mimics Pure Phase's "All Of My Tears". Whereas songs like "Sitting On Fire" and "Don't Hold Me Close" might have been vulnerable to overproduction in the past, the songs' basic tracks embellished with beautiful (but unnecessarily immense) orchestrations, on Songs In A&E the minimalist instrumentation has all the breathing room it needs.

It could be argued that hearing one Spiritualized album renders hearing the rest of the band's discography useless. That theory is not without basis. The themes explored on Songs In A&E have been examined on each of the band's previous albums, and repetitive, simple melodies are characteristic of most all Spiritualized songs. Where this album stands alone is in the consciously stunted production, the clarity and effortlessness of the dozen songs and half-dozen harmonies that comprise its eighteen tracks, and the ability of Pierce to blend structures and tones that have made each of the band's five studio albums (and one otherworldly live album) so wonderful with a newfound sense of intimacy. Songs In A&E is by no means a pinnacle for Spiritualized, but it is yet another testament to Pierce's gift for songwriting. With any luck, he will continue to grant listeners access to his tales of life and love for many more years to come.

Buy Songs In A&E From Amazon.com

Spiritualized - Death Take Your Fiddle
Spiritualized - Sitting On Fire

Brainticket
Cottonwoodhill
MediaFire Download Link

Tracklist:
01. Black Sand
02. Places Of Light
03. Brainticket Part I
04. Brainticket Part I Conclusion
05. Brainticket Part II

Tags: Spiritualized, Spacemen 3, Songs In A&E, Laser Guided Melodies, Pure Phase, Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space, Let It Come Down, Amazing Grace, J Spaceman, Jason Pierce, Pete Kember, Brainticket, Cottonwood Hill, krautrock, rare, out-of-print, mp3, blog, download

Record Review: This Week In Promotional Mailings

When you reach the apex of the blogosphere, record labels and PR firms from around the world want to be your friend. They'll send you countless albums in the hopes that you will write positive reviews and help launch careers. Or, at the very least, you'll be too embarrassed to have your name affiliated with a certain soul-crushingly pedestrian bands and you'll get $3 in store credit from your local second-hand record store when you sell the promo just to get it out of your study or home office or wherever it is you choose to blog.

This is the situation I find myself in more often than not. But today, dear readers, I'm going to take the opportunity to write several short paragraphs about some of the albums that have made their way into my mailbox this month. Such an endeavor would be impossible for one man to tackle alone, so I have enlisted Nicci as my co-author, because the breadth of her pathetic pop music knowledge far outweighs my own. So, without further ado...

Cinematic Sunrise
A Coloring Storybook And Long Playing Record
Available on Equal Vision Records

From the opening strains of "Pulling A Piano From A Pond," the listener is transported back in time to the year 2001, when the sounds of Dashboard Confessional, Something Corporate, and the Early November rang throughout the ears of high school sophomore girls. The singer has a tendency to accentuate the final syllable of every line he sings with an annoying animalistic hiccup. Nicci admits she would have loved it when she was an angst-ridden and heart-broken teenager. Our theory that Cinematic Sunrise are a Christian rock band posing as nu-Emo revivalists remain unsubstantiated. Oh yeah, and the packaging includes a full-length coloring book with a pack of three crayons. The booklet contains various nature-themed scenes, with the band's faces hidden throughout. Highly unique? Highly retarded. [Listen to "Pulling A Piano From A Pond"]

Black Taj
Beyonder
Available on Amish Records

Like a restrained-Polvo, Black Taj open "Move Me" with a distorted angular guitar lick repeated, only without everything that made Polvo really cool. When the rest of the band enters the fray, the result is something of a genre-hopping, historically-confused cacophony of rock. Nicci hears classic rock (in the vein of Creedence Clearwater Revival) fighting to sneak into the band's sound, while I heard AC/DC. Maybe a bad Foo Fighters song from one of their more recent albums? "Fresh Air Traverse" is Red Hot Chili Peppers playing -- wait a second, there's a song called "Cold Comfort"? Isn't that the name of a Bush song? No, wait...that was "Cold Contagious". Beyonder is about five-hundred-thousand times more enjoyable than the Cinematic Sunrise album, but I am not really that close to giving this band my stamp of approval. If each song continued along a linear progression from the opening fifteen or thirty seconds, each of these songs would be way more tolerable. Or, maybe they should just kick out the singer. The vibrato-tinged opening of "Damascus" shows potential, but they it gets really, really bad. Like, what The Ian Weinberger Trio used to sound like 99% of the time we tried to make up our own Frogstomp-inspired songs. [Listen to "Damascus"]

Capillary Action
So Embarrassing
Available on Pangea Recordings

I'm not going to lie, the artwork for this one has me excited. It's got hand-drawn, Raymond Pettibon-style drawings of weird people on it. When the singer "sings" -- which is how the album opens, unfortunately -- he sounds like Harry Nilsson or Scott Walker. For the most part though, they sound like any of the bands they have toured with during the last two years (USAISAMONSTER, Daughters, An Albatross). Simply put, theirs is a sound filled with arty pretentiousness and delusions of noise rock greatness. Capillary action just might harbor some deep-rooted frustration at not having attended RISD (or just lived in Providence) at the same time bands like Les Savy Fav and Lightning Bolt (or Arab On Radar) were cutting their teeth. I'd recommend you listen to any of the other bands I named dropped (except for An Albatross) before you listen to Capillary Action. Nicci says, "It's got guts though. It's got guts." She also is quick to point out, "that doesn't mean I like it." [Listen to "Pocket Protection Is Essential"]

Dropsonic
The Low Life
Available On Ascetic Records

Feedback is always a good way to open an album. Whoa, Faith No More alert! With Axel Rose strutting his shit out in front like some kind of queen. Nicci imagines the singer looks like Rocky from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". I guess this album is redeeming in the same way that, say, a Buckcherry album is redeeming. They want you to think they party hard, and they achieve that fairly well. The only problem, of course, is that they aren't very good. If these guys aren't straight out of the grimy Hollywood hair metal scene, why...I guess I owe you all a Coke. [Listen to "God Lies"]

Styrofoam
A Thousand Words
Available On Nettwerk

Whoever the first songwriter was to listen to shit like the Pet Shop Boys and feel inspired to start their own "indie electronic" recording project...boy does that guy deserve a raping. It only took one minute and fifty-seven seconds until the first "Would you catch me if I'm falling" lyric spewed forth from the mouth of this Styrofoam loser. If there's one thing I hate more than The Postal Service, it's bands who model themselves after the Postal Service. Similarly, Nicci says that there's nothing she hates more than singular artists who go by a band name. That's about all you need to hear about A Thousand Words, an album that can be summarized in about 999 less words: suck. [Listen to "After Sunset"]

Ponytail
Ice Cream Spiritual
Available On We Are Free

I first wrote about Ponytail almost two years ago, and called them one of my favorite "emerging bands" (along with Volcano!, The Black Angels, STNNNG, Bikneva and Crystal Stilts...Oh well, I was only wrong about The Black Angels). Back then, they were "Weird stuff. Jolting and adrenaline fueled trash rock. The drums sound about as disgusting and broken as Brian from Lightning Bolt's kit, and the guitar... I don't know what the hell the guitar sounds like. Figure it all out for yourself." Their new album is messy, noisy, and energetic. The vocals are annoying, "but tolerable," according to Nicci, and the guitar is intolerable, according to Ilya. What do I think? I think this sounds like a band who would paint their faces in Indian war patterns before live shows and think they were awesome. And, wouldn't you know it, there are finger paints all over the cover! This album gets two thumbs firmly in the middle. [Listen to "7 Souls"]

Alan Wilkis
Babies Dream Big
Self-released

It sounds how the front cover looks, complete with biplanes, a flying baby with a cape, and rainbows and green fields filling the background. It's a bit too quirky and goofy for my liking, but I wouldn't say it's bad. Wilkis has a somewhat soulful voice, but it is at odds with the instrumentation, which vacillates between classic rock and electronica. In the same way that Cocorosie are guilty of combining literally every imaginable style in an attempt to appear worldly, these songs are saturated with noise that could have been left on the cutting room floor (that's movie industry lingo for all the laypersons out there). I'd like to hear more stripped-down versions of these songs, without the unnecessary post-production bells and whistles (so to speak, there weren't actually bells and whistles used to my knowledge), and with a little more attention paid to the actual songwriting [Listen to "Burnin'"]. Nicci says it's really important to match the music to the vocals more, and she should know, for she is the epitome of vocal perfection...

...Which is why she lost on American Idol season 3.

ZING!

Tags: PR firms, record labels, promo CDs, reviews, Cinematic Sunrise, Black Taj, Capillary Action, Dropsonic, Styrofoam, Ponytail, Alan Wilkis, mp3, blog, download

TV Review: Twin Peaks

In the absence of LOST, Nate, Nicci, and I yearned for something -- anything -- to fill the immense void created by a lack of epic dramatic television. That's when Tom asked if any of us had ever watched Twin Peaks.

I was still two weeks shy of my seventh birthday when the show first aired in 1990, so you'll have to forgive me for my inability to experience the television series at an earlier time. In all honest, I wasn't even allowed to watch much television growing up. I recall ABC's Friday night lineup, Fraggle Rock, Sesame Street, and Saturday morning shark shows on the Discovery Channel. My sister and I might have owned a few VHS tapes related to He-Man, Jem or The Wuzzles, but that's about all I can remember from my childhood. Even in elementary school, I was always put to bed early. I was probably fast asleep by the time the opening credits rolled at 8pm or 9pm. To hear Tom talk about the awesomeness of Twin Peaks excited us very much. He even went so far as to compare it favorably to LOST. Well, shit, if you're going to compare it to LOST, you're going to have me hooked before we even begin.

The first Thursday after LOST went on hiatus was our first official Twin Peaks night. We breezed through roughly half of season one that night. There was an excruciatingly long opening credit sequence, but as soon as that shit ended we got to see Pete find the corpse of Laura Palmer (wrapped in plastic). The events that unfolded over the next few minutes revitalized me, making me forget all about those fucking abysmal opening credits. A few scenes later, the discovery of potential victim Ronette Pualski finally introduces us to FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper, who is now perhaps one of my three favorite television characters of all time. Wow. What a weird fucking guy; quirky, sage-like, somewhat detached emotionally, he's a fascinating character to follow around the town of Twin Peaks, and a perfect protagonist for such an off-beat show.

Then Nate told us he was going to be working nights for the next few weeks, and Nicci, Tom and I had to ponder whether or not to go ahead with the show. First, we thought about Nate. Sweet, innocent little Nate. Then we thought about the show. It was a tough decision.

We decided to go ahead without Nate. We got through the entire season and part of season two on our second Thursday. We also decided to start watching episodes more frequently than just on Thursdays. In a manner of days, we were far, far ahead of poor little Nate. The worst part was, we couldn't even talk Twin Peaks as openly as we talk about LOST, because Nate wasn't caught up with us. He was too busy catching up to Tom on Battlestar Galactic. I guess...I guess you could say there's a lot of TV being watched in their household.

Anyway, now that we're seventeen or eighteen episodes into the series, I have to say I think Twin Peaks is great. It's not nearly as awesome as LOST, but it has definitely made the show's hiatus more bearable. I can't imagine how frustrating it must have been having to watch this show each week when it originally aired in 1990. People had to talk about what they thought was going to happen next with their families and friends. They didn't even have an infinite number of Internet messageboards on which they could gab about the show. Those pitiful, pitiful fucks.

If you haven't watched it, I'm not going to run the plot of the show for you. I'm not that much of an asshole. I will, though, tell you to Netflix it or order the complete series DVD from Amazon or whatever online retailer you normally use to purchase material goods for which you probably have no use. On a scale of fife-hundred forty small boxes of chocolate bunnies to nine-hundred eighty-seven small boxes of chocolate bunnies, Twin Peaks is three-hundred ninety-two small boxes of chocolate bunnies.

Tags: television, LOST, Twin Peaks, Fraggle Rock, Sesame Street, Discovery Channel, He-Man, Jem, Wuzzles, Thursday night, Laura Palmer, Ronette Pulaski, Dale Cooper, protagonist, Battlestar Galactica, Angelo Badalamenti, Shellac, Cryv, Pussy Galore, mp3, blog, download

Film Review: American Movie

I don't know how I arrived at this point in my life without knowing that a film like American Movie existed. One of my co-workers handed the DV