Swan Fungus

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Dwarf Whales, Heroes, Virgins, Prescience, The Best Podcast You Have

• It's December now, which means it's time for everybody to start publishing their Year-End lists. The first one I've seen is The Top Ten Cryptozoology Stories for 2007. The list includes a new video of the Loch Ness Monster, the discovery of dwarf Killer Whales and Manatees, and the photographing of a juvenile Sasquatch in Pennsylvania...which makes perfect sense, because Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in (like Pennsylvania). They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. Sadly, logging and human settlement mean to threaten what might be his habitat....Although, if it's not, they don't. [story]

• For fans of the TV program Heroes, here is a list of ten real-life superheroes, complete with pictures and videos. The boy with sonar vision, the rubberboy and mister eat-it-all are each represented on the list, plus a few more. [story]

• It's not exactly the 40-Year-Old Virgin, but ABC News is running a story about how people who lose their virginity later in life (between the ages of 21-23), "tend to be more likely to experience sexual dysfunction problems later." As everybody now knows (I shared my own deflowering story with a trio of strangers last night, so I imagine it will only take a day or two until everybody on earth knows about it), I do not fit into this category, and I'm happy to say that I suffer from no sexual dysfunction problems whatsoever. Unless of course you consider being really, really fantastically good in bed to be a problem. Ladies... [story]

• Here's a fun read, an article from The Ladies' Home Journal written in 1900, about "What May Happen In The Next Hundred Years." [story]

• ...And because I can never get enough Futurama news, here's an excellent article that appeared in WIRED, featuring interviews with Matt Groening and David X. Cohen. I still haven't purchased the new DVD (I don't have any money), but once I do I can assure you that I will post a lengthy review here. [story]

• Last, but certainly not least, are five episodes of "The Best Podcast You Have," that Jack graciously sent us this week. He's spent the past few weeks altering several of the thirteen original episodes, while adding some fresh new ideas and sounds. If you were a fan of the podcast during it's two-season-long run, you are definitely going to enjoy the mind-fuck. And remember, kids: The Best Podcast You Have is best experienced under the influence of high-quality psychoactive chemicals, and for optimal listening experience, please wear headphones. Once you have soaked in the tonal colors and lysergic sonic vibrations, I assure you nothing will ever be the same again.

The Best Podcast You Have

Episode 2: "Hear Under Sun"
Episode 6: "Frills"
Episode 11: "Pervading Peace"
Episode 12: "The Joys of Jury Duty"
Episode 13: "Must Be Alive"

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Good News From Afar

Here's a funny thing you should read. Fans of the heavy metal band Machine Head debate my Top Ten Pick-Up Lines on their messageboard. My favorite is the person who used the "Zzz" emoticon to show how bored he was by my writing. That guy's a total dick, and for that he can call himself my friend any time he wants.

I just received a package from Podcast Jack! Apparently he has seen fit to re-listen to the second season of The Best Podcast You Have ("Circulations Amethyst") and make some alterations to several of the episodes. Tomorrow I will rip the contents of the CD to high-quality 320kbps MP3 files and disseminate it, so you may all download and enjoy. If you don't remember The Best Podcast You Have, you have no idea what you're in for. A small sampling of the sonic hallucinations can be heard at the tumbleweed-infested MySpace page. If you've been mourning the death of the podcast, quietly sobbing and longing for more heady, aural-splatter-painted goodness, you are in for a treat tomorrow.

Today, though, we're all (the roommates plus Ken and Katie) going to Santa Monica to hang out for the day and evening. That's why this is so rushed. I apologize in advance for the terrible entries this week. As previously stated, we're hosting guests from out-of-town, so it's been rather hectic and I've been unable to devote much attention to this blog thing. Next week I'll be back to normal. Lists, galore!

Monday, May 07, 2007

Goodbye Podcast, Hello...Future?

It is with a heavy heart that I am required to inform you that the audio-stimulation series known as The Best Podcast You Have has reached its end. With this final episode - fittingly titled The Night We Called It A Day - the book is sealed on this endeavor. I, for one, thought it was really exciting to be a small part of the creative team behind the podcast, and will certainly miss the process of culling sounds from the outside world and waiting to hear how Jack would manipulate them. I think towards the end we were actually starting to hit our stride. The second half of this series was a whole lot of fun to participate in.

Enough yammering, here's the final episode (number nine) of The Best Podcast You Have: Circulations Amethysts.

The Night We Called It A Day (9:00:15)

In other site related news, I'm working on a real, legitimate piece of journalism that will hopefully be ready for publication later this week. I'm not going to give you the details, but interviews are being conducted and a story arc is being finalized. It's definitely going to rival some of the better pieces that I've managed to formulate between the fits of malaise, sloth, and fear that normally prevent me from actually attempting to write something serious in nature. Also, I enjoy complaining far too much to allow myself the necessary time to commit to a creative idea.

Also, perhaps exciting Obscure References news in the coming days/weeks. I have to spend some time making phone calls and Jack has to finish a group-related project before we can say anything further. Nothing will ever be the same again.

Tomorrow after I finish my work for the day, I'm going to convert and share the eleven field recordings I made during my cross-country drive last week. So if you like hearing natural sounds, be sure to check back tomorrow. Until then, you have to suffer through actual music. I'm so, so sorry.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Our Bubble Is Better Than Your Bubble

Today marks a very solemn day here at Swan Fungus. The penultimate episode of The Best Podcast You Have: Circulations Amethyst. On this week's installment, there was a guest musician, some friend of Jack's no one has ever met before. He sings in a foreign language and Jack [incorrectly] translates it. In the middle, there are snippets from a hilarious round-table discussion we had Friday night. Most of it was too vulgar to reproduce for public consumption, but there are some great one-liners, and a lot of instances in which I crack myself up mid-sentence. I'm that funny. Listen to Episode 8 right here. Visit the official TBPYH blog by clicking here. Check out the podcast (with an accompanying video-cast) on Jack's MySpace. And be sure to tell Jack you're not ready for this fucking epic magic carpet ride to end.

In the most disgustingly irksome article I have ever read, comes news that MTV is partnering in a "stunt" to have a band record an entire album inside a bubble. If you read this page with any regularity, you know all about the relationship between the music of Obscure References and our inflatable bubbles. Clearly someone is trying to "scoop" us, and I'll be damned if this shitty Epic Records band (whose name I am not even going to print) is going to stake a claim as the bubble band of the '00s. News as sickening as this makes me want to put even more effort into booking a summer tour for Obscure References, just so we can bring our bubbles along with us and perform inside them. I can't believe I'm even giving publicity to anything remotely related to MTV, but the blatant rip off (of Z's idea, which also happened to be a blatant rip-off) makes me want to puke on all involved parties' shoes.

Ugh. I hope that in spite of this tragic news, you can still try to have a pleasant Monday...

Monday, April 02, 2007

Strap Him Up On A Scooter

Today I'm adding a new feature to the site, as recommended by Ian. Instead of just linking to a new song every day without giving any thought to why someone should download it, I'll do my best to describe it in a few short sentences, so you have some idea what I recommend you listen to. Apparently people are more likely to download a song if they know what it sounds like. All this time I figured people would take my lack-of-words as gospel, and blindly follow me as I hone your musical tastes. See the bottom of this entry for more details.

The long wait is finally over. The newest episode of The Best Podcast You Have: Circulations Amethyst is now available for download. You can hear the audio right here, or you can subscribe to the podcast from its official website. This installment, "Famuus," features the vocal talents of "newbie" Mike, whose drunk-Irish-Mick persona was a welcome addition to the fray. Out of the seven episodes in this series, "Famuus" is easily the most hilarious. I actually teared up a few times from intense fits of laughter. Hopefully you'll enjoy our many character voices and dumb alcohol-fueled ruckus. If you want to boost Jack's ego, feel free to click over to his MySpace and send him a personal message. As always, this audio cast is best heard through headphones!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

...I Think It Was An "A"

Is it true for everyone that spending gross amounts of time around a form of media forces you to inherently blurt out related quotes ad nauseam? Most commonly it's a song and/or melody that gets lodged in our brains, but for me it happens just as frequently with non-musical auditory objects. For example: As a child, I would try to perfect the voice that narrated the Dianetics commercials. I used to walk around my house saying, "Dianetics" in search of the precise vocal inflection. Needless to say everyone thought I was deranged.

I feel vindicated when I recognize others stricken with this disorder. When we're taking breaks from these video podcasts, we have a tendency to blurt familiar lines that played hundreds of times during the editing process. There is usually no context to them whatsoever. Someone will start to giggle quietly and before saying aloud, "Hello, Captain Lulu!" or "Linda. Liiiiinda."

For the past week I have been saying "That's really funny for me" to infinity. You can hear it towards the beginning of the Episode 5 (video below, or audio, if you save them). There's just something about the Japanese accent that gets me each time I hear it. Like Robert Schumann, I fully intend to go crazy from hearing it on repeat in my head. Maybe you don't verbalize it when this happens to you because you're afraid you will also wind up like Schumann, but do not fear. You and I share an affliction. And if you're going to share with anybody, it might as well be me, right?

Here is the video for The Best Podcast You Have: "Vibrofile". Please enjoy it. We tried to match the visuals to the mood of the music. In "Chit," there were fast cuts and wild, nutty images frying synapses. This one is a bit more subversive. There are excruciating panning shots that go uninterrupted for longer than normal by today's editing standards. I think it works really well. This one is my favorite yet.

Monday, March 12, 2007

She Always Wore Bow-Ties

Has everybody filled in their NCAA brackets yet? Or are you the type that likes to wait for the pundits to espouse their predictions? I have no team in the race this year, as I normally root for Vermont, my ex-institute of higher learning. Of course, Vermont didn't start making (or winning) in the tournament until after I transferred, and they don't have a football team, so I was cheated out of that aspect of one's college experience. Don't pity me, though, I made up the hours I could have spent at sporting events partaking in much more enlightening things...

- Split Thy Skull turned out to be a good time (and when Ian foots the bill it's an added bonus). We consumed most of the available non-barley wines, like Black Forest Imperial Stout, Chelsea Brewing Tsar's Revenge, Sixpoint Bolshoi!, Geary's Anniversary Ale, and Dark Star Critical Mass.

- ...And you thought the world of phone sex was devoid of entertainment? The Best Podcast You Have: Circulations Amethyst has a new episode available for download. You can hear the audio right here, or you can subscribe to the podcast from its official website (which, for some reason, is a blog - you hear that, Jack?). What the future holds for this podcast, I haven't the slightest idea. If you want to boost Jack's ego, feel free to click over to his MySpace and send a personal message.

Monday, February 26, 2007

You Can Only Squint For So Long: My Trip To The Eye Doctor

It's hard for me to see the keyboard and monitor as I type this missive. I just got home from the eye doctor, and my pupils are still dilated. Everything looks nice and fuzzy. Is this what heaven is like, only warmer? I hear clouds are cold. We may never know.

So, apparently I'm blind. Or, at least, that's what the ophthalmologist tells me. He didn't think my, "I enjoy the challenge of not knowing what's in front of me when I drive—it's kind of like a video game!" excuse for why I haven't once worn the glasses that were prescribed for me in high school. Since then, my eyes have deteriorated to such an extent that I can't get away with being negligent anymore. In his words, "If you were applying for a driver's license today, you wouldn't get one." Kinda harsh, don't you think, doc?

My point is, I have to get glasses. And wear them. The horror...The horror.

Other than that, my peripheral vision is good, my retinas aren't cracking or tearing, and he didn't notice any brain tumors. In the end, I guess I got out of there with a decent bill of octal health? Is it octal health? What's the other word for vision in that context? Why am I typing exactly what's passing through my mind at each precise moment? What the hell do they put in these drops, anyway?

Oh, and the dilated pupils. I went to use the bathroom while the drops were taking effect, and...oh man, let's put it this way: my pupils haven't looked like that in quite some time!

(cue screenplay excerpt)

INT. UNDERGROUND EURO-DANCE CLUB CIRCA 1981 - NIGHT

EVAN is clutching a bottle of water and sweating profusely as he writhes among a sea of bodies moving in unison to the sounds of an early Depeche Mode twelve-inch.

EVAN: I feel amazing! I never want this night to end! Feed me more feel-good candy!

He throws his arms in the air and closes his eyes as the club's rotating, spinning overhead lights wash over him. The camera pulls out and he becomes lost in a sea of ravers.

FADE OUT

---
The new podcast is ready and available for you, if you are willing to accept it into you. Like a drunken footballer after the homecoming game, it will find a way to get inside you and have its way with you. Please, enjoy Episode 5 of The Best Podcast You Have: Circulations Amethyst. As previously stated, this episode (download here) is entitled, "Vibrofile." As always, you can subscribe from the official homepage, or add Podcast Jack as a friend on MySpace.

Furthermore, watch the YouTube version of Episode 4, in case you've yet to see the first "videocast". I smell an Emmy (Emmy?). No, wait. That's me. I guess I forgot to shower today.

See you (or, at the very least, try in vain to make out your silhouette from afar) tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Field Sounds

As someone who is infatuated with listening to and making field recordings, I had my mind blown by this article. While recording my surroundings every once in a while can be fascinating and fun, I can't imagine having every single facet of my life recorded onto some medium. It'd be a chore to record every inter-personal communication (verbal and digital), as well as photograph all the images I see and record the sounds I hear. Yet, the ability to do so is not only becoming a reality, it's apparently going to be quite easy. Microsoft's MyLifeBits project is trying to enable us all to walk around with a terabyte of storage in our phones, computers and other portable devices within the next ten years, thus ensuring the capability to record our entire lives.

On the topic of field recordings, I'd like to quickly plug two records I was turned onto this past week.

The Cherry Beach Project - Silo II - Mystery Sea Records, the label that focuses specifically on limited CD-Rs containing "soundmantras" that enable artists to share recordings related to WATER. The Cherry Beach project is a Canadian duo who recorded natural sounds in an industrial silo in Toronto. The place is known as being a discreet locale where "off the record" police activities and sundry illegal acitivities occur. The sounds they captured for Silo II include droplets of water and low mechanical rumbles of unknown origins. It's a spooky, wonderful late night listening experience. The CD-R is limited to 100 copies, so buy yours now. Check out two audio samples (one, two), or seek out the label on MySpace.

Great Fences of Australia - John Rose and Hollis Taylor, two violinists from Australia, have spent the last five years traveling tens of thousands of miles across the outback recording the unique sounds of bowed fences that stretch through every state and territory on the continent. Think about the beautiful sound of a resonating stringed instrument, and then imagine that the strings were hundreds of kilometers long. Imagine how intense that would sound? Well, now you can hear it. I've only heard samples to this point, but it was mind-blowing. Each CD also comes boxed with a strip of barbed wire. No joke. Here's a track called "Electric Fence".

- You can watch a slightly compressed version of The Best Podcast You Have: Circulations Amethyst Episode 4 video podcast by clicking here and transporting yourself to the official podcast MySpace profile. I think a larger flash movie/player version should be available in the coming days or weeks.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Did You Finish Your Dinner?

I have a ton of errands to perform today, so today's complaint will be quick. Not as quick, as say, my passing interest in the brand new Vice Online Video Channel...but close.

So, VICE TV...I find myself asking, how many more times am I supposed to force myself to laugh at David Cross desperately panning for a few chuckles from his hipster brethren? Ever since I read that cringeworthy Chunklet interview where he blathers on about how depressed his is, I can't enjoy his comedy. It's like finding out the really hot girl who sits next to you in math class happens to regularly shit her pants.

No, seriously, I'm sure VICE TV will be a huge hit with the eleven people who haven't grown tired of the magazine's smugness and still slave over finding the new issue at whatever current NYC scenester hotspot keeps a newsstand in the doorway. I'm sure it'll all be videos of interns puking while trying to add a bloody tampon to the gross jar, Jim Goad reporting from a White Power rally, or paying a homeless man to snort coke cut with asbestos. Ooh...subversive.

Next.

---

After a posh dinner at a local dining establishment last evening, speech was recorded for the next podcast installment. I'm sure Jack will find some great ways to manipulate the audio, which included conversation between a barely-conscious Ken, Jack and I, conversation with a young woman in China, and conversation with a man in Tokyo. The language barrier presented a few hilarious moments which I'm sure will be exploited in typical vaudevillian fashion. Look for it to be compiled and available sometime next year. Juuuust kidding. Maybe some music recording will accompany said sounds, if we can get the Obscure References guys in a room with instruments and microphones ever again. Yes, I just referred to myself in the third-person. I'm sorry.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Music Preferences And Personality Types

Here's an enlightening read from a Psychology Blog in the UK that talks about music and it's use as a measure of personality. According to a recent study on "getting to know each other," the most popular topic of conversation between pairs of participants was music. The researchers then hypothesized that this was because we perceive musical tastes as a means of insight into the personality of friends and acquaintances. As a means of measuring, participants were asked to judge one another's personality based on their top 10 list of songs. The results were then compared to a standard personality test measuring openness to experience, extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness and emotional stability.

Some preferences and their relationship to personality were:

- If you enjoy vocals, you're likely extroverted.
- If you enjoy country music, you're likely to be emotionally stable.
- If you enjoy jazz, you're likely intellectual.

Think about yourself and your friends, what your musical tastes are, then see if your assessments of personality are accurate...or don't, it's just a suggestion. You don't have to use their exact criteria, you can be harsher or obtuse with your inferences. For example, it stands to reason that if someone likes progressive rock they're probably a huge nerd. If they listen to The Decemberists they're probably bespectacled and overly self-conscious. If they're enamored of Joanna Newsome they're probably tone deaf. See, it's fun! I looked at my top ten most played songs on iTunes and used them to try and judge myself. The results were indeed interesting, if not predictable. Then I used a more common method of personality indication and, while not exact, there was indeed some overlap. Try it out!

---

After the longest production delay in its brief history, The Best Podcast You Have is back with a new installment. Part space rock, part speech cut-ups, Episode 4 shows a strong effort after a month of dead air emanating from Podcast Jack's cybernetic skyhook. Take a listen by clicking right here. If you haven't already, visit the official Podcast website, where you can subscribe and read a series of non-sequitors. Or, if you're still into the whole social-networking thing (it's "over," isn't it?), you can friend the podcast on MySpace.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Happy Xmas, Xmas People

Just because it's Christmas and you've received a new Playstation 6--or, God forbid, a book--doesn't mean you can't sit back and enjoy the latest installment of Podcast Jack's "The Best Podcast You Have". Last we heard from the merry pranksters, they were...actually, there was a lot of my bad music and poetry in there, for some reason. Well, if you thought that was good (it wasn't), you'll love this episode. It was culled from field recordings made at that bastion of high-end consumerism The Mall At Short Hills, and features the four of us walkin' around, talkin' about what we're seeing, and meeting interesting characters, and watching people spill coffee on old ladies, and mispronouncing store names. Okay, maybe it's not that interesting. It's basically like walking through a mall from inside my head.

Take a listen by clicking right here. If you haven't already, scoot on over to the website for Jack's Podcast, where you can subscribe (for free) and read some junk. Or, if you're into the whole social-networking thing (which you wouldn't be if you had some semblance of a life), you can friend him on The MySpaces.

By the way, do you know why chicks dig Jesus so much?

Because he's hung like THIS!

I stole that joke from Matt Sweeney thirty years ago.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Ring Out

I've been getting these headaches for the past four days. I wonder if it's at all related to the new multivitamins I'm taking. I'm not used to having nutrients in my system, I guess. Or it could be the fact that I quit heroin cold turkey. I'm just kidding. I don't use heroin and I don't endorse drug use of any kind.

It's probably a tumor. It's probably cancer. It's probably an aneurysm. I bet this is the last post I'll ever make. I'm going to make it my most poignant one yet. Actually, I kind of have to take a piss, so I'll make this really quick, and it'll have nothing to do with pertinent news items or social justice. Because to do so would mean I'd have to put thought into it, and this aneurysm-tumor thing is hurting my head.

It's Monday, which means it's high-time (quite literally!) for another episode of Podcast Jack's "The Best Podcast You Have". In this week's episode...I don't know how to quite describe it. I know it features lots of music I've made (bits of "Countess," "Song For Lubbock Texas" and a song I recorded with Jet in Chicago), and manipulated speech. There are weird Ken voices, and a lot of Ilya, too. Computerized text-to-speech programs recite a couple of my "poems" (ugh) and towards the end, Kristie appears! Like most of these episodes, I don't know what the hell the underlying theme is. Maybe that's the underlying theme?

Once again, I've blown my own mind.

Take a listen by clicking right here. If you haven't already, scoot on over to the website for Jack's Podcast, where you can subscribe (for free) and read some junk. Or, if you're into the whole social-networking thing (which you wouldn't be if you had some semblance of a life), you can friend him on MySpace.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Automagic Calibrations

A new week is underway, and creativity is afoot. Excitement surrounds various new time-wasters (let's be honest, that's what they are) that will probably remain half-finished forever. Let's just say I'm working on a script with some help/constructive criticism from Z, and no one on earth will find it amusing except for us.

But the real news today is that Podcast Jack has returned with the first installment of his new podcast series. I don't know what it's called, exactly, so I'm not quite sure how to introduce it to the masses other than to say, "here it is, come and get it." Not only is it super-high quality (encoded at 320k), it's really heady. Like, it makes you wonder what we're all on. Especially Jack. It features appearances by myself, Z, Ken, and a lot of soundbites that have been culled from who-knows where. If I'm not mistaken, all the the music used in this episode was recorded by related projects: Obscure References, and two songs penned by myself. I'm pretty sure the first one is a heavily-effected version of "An Afternoon at 1 & 9" that sounds like I'm on horse tranquilizers. Even I can't figure out what the second song is, which is more than slightly embarrassing. Enjoy it, make sure you check out Jack's website and all that jazz.

Last, and certainly least, some photographs from a typical Obscure References recording session. Jack is wearing his Wednesday Night "wink wink meeting" suit, and Jackie played trumpet and made s'mores. Z says it's times like these the website Rock-n-Roll Confidential is sorely missed. We look like total douchebags who have given up caring about our looks, and have unequivocally proven the theory that "unflattering angels" indeed exist. And there are lots of them.

- "look ma, we're a band!" / part 2
- "look ma, we're trapped in a box!" / part 2
- Z eats / Z looks trashed
- live action / live action 2 / live action 3 / live action 4
- Evan and Z percuss
- Jack accordion guitar
- Jack feels the vibe
- Ken glockenspiels
- obscure references
- obscure references

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