I wanted to hate it. Really, I did. I wanted to walk out of the theater with sunken shoulders and a look of utter disappointment stapled to my ugly face. I wanted to turn to the person next to me and ask him or her, “Why does fucking Ben Stiller suck so much!? Why are his movies unwatchable! How many fucking times can he possibly play the same god damned character without people noticing! Ben Stiller makes Will Ferrel look like the fucking Marlon Brando of his generation.” Actually, that last sentence is a bit of an exaggeration. Everything else I would have loved to scream at somebody as Nicci and left the Cinerama Dome at Hollywood’s Arclight Cinemas two nights ago. Unfortunately, it never happened. And while Ben Stiller was clearly the weak link in an otherwise quality cast, I cannot deny that I enjoyed the movie Tropic Thunder.

Of Ben Stiller’s immense resume as an actor, off the top of my head I can think of exactly three instances in which I liked his work. Cable Guy, Permanent Midnight and Reality Bites. In almost every other role he’s taken, Stiller is the same exact person (and that person is: Ben Stiller) with the same mannerisms and virtually zero unique qualities that differentiate one of his characters from the next. Ben Stiller’s acting talent amounts to two distinct personae: either an awkward, bumbling version of Ben Stiller, or a dumbed-down macho version of Ben Stiller. His roles in Keeping The Faith, The Royal Tenenbaums, Duplex, Along Came Polly, and Meet The Parents are all a repeat performance of his role in There’s Something About Mary. His roles in Zoolander, Dodgeball, and Mystery Men are all a repeat performance of his role in Heavy Weights. He also wrote Zoolander, a movie that sucked harder than freshman whore on Adderall. To his credit, Stiller wrote much of the episodes of “The Ben Stiller Show”, and that didn’t suck. I guess what I’m saying is, it was difficult for me to bring myself to see Tropic Thunder because, quite frankly, I just don’t find the man to be funny.

But the movie was funny! I liked it! I laughed a lot, and Stiller’s character wasn’t as grating as I feared it would be. Like I stated earlier he was clearly the weakest member of the cast, but it was easy to focus on supporters Robert Downey Jr. et al., and make Stiller’s shitty acting (and Jack Black’s shitty acting) completely immaterial. Hell, I even liked Tom Cruise’s character, and complimenting Tom Cruise is something that doesn’t come easy for — well, anybody really. The writing was good, too! I’m always a fan of movies that find new and exciting ways to make vulgarity humorous. I know that’s one of my main goals for this website (using dirty words or expressions like “finger-fuck” and “shit” and “hole” either in new combinations or in silly ways you’ve never read before). Stiller and that other guy who wrote the film did it pretty well! I might even go so far as to say I’d see it again if the tickets were free! Why won’t some Hollywood Jew big-wig send me free tickets to see movies so that I can say whether or not they suck! I’m a Jew too, we’ve got to stick together!

Speaking of which, what’s with all this neurotic anxiety I’ve been feeling lately? I don’t really like it. I think if I don’t have a heart attack by the time I’m 30 it’ll be a fucking miracle! I swear, my blood pressure is like “holy fuck!” over “poop!”. What the hell is it about people that prevents them from dwelling on their poverty-stricken lives or whatever latest health scare has been forced upon them by the media? How come they aren’t laying awake every night thinking about death, too?

Anyway, Tropic Thunder was worth seeing, and I saw it with a free ticket that I earned by seeing Batman on opening night and having the fire alarm at the Arclight pulled twenty minutes into the film. Yeah, you read that right, I earned that shit.

And one more thing: I do not look like Jay Baruchel. Stop fucking telling me I look like him.

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