Loading ...I’ve Taken Ill
By Evan ~ February 19th, 2008. Filed under: daily life.
I am dreadful as a sick patient. No one can stand to be around me, because I am constantly reminding everybody of how bad I feel, but also telling them I don’t want any help. I tend to drag down peoples’ spirits so that we are all on the same level. I create an unmistakable aura of grossness by not changing my clothes or showering, carrying around boxes of tissues, and generally slinking through the house looking totally pathetic. I hide under blankets and cough and sniffle and whine and mope. It’s not a pretty sight. I am definitely not proud of my behavior. If healthy Evan walked into a room and saw some dude acting this way, he’d kick the ever-loving shit out of him and then call him a fag.
So my health rapidly deteriorated yesterday. I didn’t even do anything, which is really frustrating because it’s hard to fathom getting really sick when you haven’t come in contact with anybody else who is sick. I guess it could have happened the day before at work, but once I heard that one of my co-workers was having flu-like symptoms I immediately begin a rigorous cycle of sanitizing my hands every ten or fifteen minutes. My Purell regimen lasted long after the sick co-worker had left. Whatever, so that could have influenced my health. But yesterday I just napped all afternoon and then hung out in front of the TV for a few hours. After a brief dinner at Fred 62 with Nicci, Sari, Leon and Allie, Nicci and I “rented” Nightmare On Elm Street from Leon and watched that. About halfway through the movie I started feeling chilly. Then I started sweating. Once the movie was over I was in really bad shape. Took some Nyquil and went to bed. Within five minutes I needed to borrow a t-shirt because I had sweated through my flannel shirt. Fucking gross, right?
I awoke this morning feeling like Hell. On my way home I stopped at Walgreens to buy a thermometer, and just before I put the thing under my tongue to take my temperature, my boss called to ask me something about work. I had to tell him I was ill and couldn’t come in today. He said to feel better and hoped it did not get worse. There was some kind of joke at the end of our conversation where he said, “Alright, I’m going to let you go,” and my response was, “What do you mean you’re going to let me go? You’re “letting me go” from work?” and then we both laughed. My smile quickly disappeared upon discovering that I did indeed have a fever.
I made preparations for a day of medicine overdoses by purchasing a half-gallon of orange juice, Bayer Aspirin and three litres of water (I also got a bagel, but I don’t know of anybody who would argue bagels are good for cold/flu symptoms). I got home and drank two glasses of OJ, took two Dayquil, two Aspirin, and two 500MG vitamin C pills, then made an Airborne cocktail, then drank one of the liters of water. Then I passed out in front of the TV with the Dr. Katz Season 1 DVD playing. Now, nearly three hours later, I’m going to go out and get some soup. If anybody out there reading this has some advice for how to kick this sickness before it gets any worse, please let me know by prescribing whatever miracle cure you know of in the comments section below. Your generosity in this matter will not go overlooked. The person with the best wellness advice will receive — from me — a hearty slap on the back, or an open mouth kiss the next time I’m stricken with an infectious illness.
