This has been a shitty day. Work sucked. I'm thinking about looking for a new job already. I was kept late, berated by a superior, and generally annoyed by everybody and anything. That's not supposed to be the case when working in a supposedly low-stress environment. Then I came home wanting to get drunk and the only beer I had left turned out to be much worse than I anticipated. Sure, it was the sixth new beer I've tried in 10 days (thus accomplishing my 101/1001 goal for February), but that doesn't mean it was an enjoyable way.
While I'm complaining and feeling negative, I guess I'll make a list that relates to my current situation. In case you were wondering, I'm not as thick skinned as my blogging persona might have you believe. I actually feel hurt when I receive an e-mail or comment from a reader about what a "fucking moron" I am, or about what a "dumb asshole" I sound like. To be honest, I instituted reader comments because I envisioned for myself a future rife with naked women throwing themselves at my feet, begging me to impart knowledge of the world or share life lessons with them. Whatever. The last thing I expected was an army of faceless losers commenting on my ability to speak proper English, informing me of my apparent retardation.
The Fifteen Most Hurtful Comments Left by Swanfungus Readers
15) "Wow. Irony? From an American? Well what do you know?" - derek
14) "Perhaps you could name your next blog Scorn and Multiple Negative Reactions? I am sorry if I disturbed your peace and solitude in the forest of the blogosphere. If no one hears/reads your trea(tise) as they come crashing down, do they make a sound??" - Curt
13) "I read your blog...most uninspiring. If you need some literary assistance, I recommend my son James in New York - a dramatist at the New Group Theater...I hope you make it to 60." - Douglas
12) "I just wanted to say its people like you who destroy a powerful tool like the internet. I really wish you wouldn't use it to post your stupid and retarted ideas!!!!!"
11) "...came to your site expecting to find a bitchy gay guy's blog and was surprised to find out you are just a bitchy guy. your comments arent even funny, dude, you're just negative. BORING." - Marshall
10) "i liked your first paragraph the first time i read it, when it was called VICE MAGAZINE LAST MONTH" - Ilya
09) "Sitting in your basement is clearly the only thing you are fit for." - Anonymous
08) "Please stop pretending you are straight. Please go tell your mama you love big thick juicy cock." - Rosa Parks
07) "Please stay inside. No one in society wants to see your ugly face." - Anonymous
06) "0 comments implies that no one is watching. if no one is watching, this entire exercise is futile. writing is the most depressing thing in the entire world if no one is reading." - jcb2aph@yahoo.com
05) "The grammatical errors and literary cliches in your writing astound me!" - yokweyuk@gmail.com
04) "was it so necessary to be such a pompous dick?" - nobody
03) "Speaking for the "boomers"...we hate you too." - Marc
02) "I'm not quite sure why I had your blog bookmarked. Maybe it's because you have generally good taste in music, and the mp3s at the end of each entry often include 1 or 2 artists I'm not familiar with. The blogging itself, though- the writing- has recently been so bad that I usually skip right past it. After this entry I realized that all I'm doing is wasting my own time. I mean, we get it. Everyone gets it. You're another jaded LA wannabe scenester, always bitching about other people's haircuts. Yeah, you're so over it, man. I'm over it too. Good luck, thanks for the tunes."
01) "Dude, You might be the absolute stupidest person I've ever come across on the Interwebs. Your list of annoying things is cliche, trite, and embarassing. If I weren't so busy, I'd send a posse of my boys to your neck of the woods to kick your ass. Stop blogging today, please." - NYC1
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