Everyone Bono Touches Turns To Turds

January 29, 2008

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As if I needed another reason to hate Bono and anyone who publicly associates with the pygmy-sized douchebag, U2’s manager Paul McGuinness has taken it upon himself to implore Internet Service Providers across the globe to immediately disconnect music downloaders from online services. Looks like Bono has some competition for biggest turd in the universe. According to McGuinness, it’s high-time for artists and ISPs to stand up against the “shoddy, careless and downright dishonest way they have been treated in the digital age.”

Yeah, that makes a shit-ton of sense. Clearly Mr. McGuinness doesn’t know a vagina from an electrical socket, because dude must be jolted out of his mind if he thinks this will ever come to fruition. First of all, although reports differ vastly from one to the next, anywhere between twenty-seven and thirty-two percent of Internet users in the US have downloaded music or movies illegally. I’m sure companies like Verizon, Comcast, RoadRunner, Cox, Sprint, and Bell would love to see such a huge portion of their profits disappear overnight. Good luck convincing them to throw away millions of dollars because your stupid band isn’t happy being “the biggest rock band in the world,” Mr. Guinness.

Which leads to my second point. This guy represents fucking U2, a band that just released ANOTHER “expanded” and remastered version of Joshua Tree, which will cost buyers anywhere between $40 and $50. So let me get this straight, Mr. McGuinness: you and your shitty band have already robbed countless naive consumers out of their hard-earned money, and now you want to punish them even further because bands like the one you manage and their peers have to rely on rehashing old tunes once they’ve forgotten how to create a product that is actually worth buying? Fuck off, guy.

The only accurate statement he made in his speech was that record labels deserve [partial] blame for the “lack of foresight and planning” that enabled a new industry to emerge. Except McGuinness shouldn’t have stopped there. He should have lambasted the record industry for its anti-consumer practices, he should have mentioned how albums have been grossly overpriced for decades, and he should have touched on how artists have never gotten a fair deal from their labels. Now that would have been doing a service to his clients. I wonder if either he or Bono have realized that maybe the tens of millions of illegal downloads would decrease if the record industry honchos saw fit to adjust their prices, or reward artists with a better percentage of the profits earned from record sales?

Here’s my advice for those of you who download music illegally. If you actually want to support an artist (please, just don’t tell me if you’re going to support U2), go to their website and buy a t-shirt or two, some buttons, a bumper sticker, or whatever they have to offer that isn’t an LP. Go see them live. Then download the album illegally. Using MySpace or the band’s website contact information, send them an e-mail telling them why you’ve chosen this route. Remember: if you buy an LP from an artist’s website, you’re still paying the record company because most bands have to buy their own albums at full price (without the retail markup, but that’s usually only a handful of coinage) before they can sell them. Those t-shirt sales will likely enable to the band to make a bit more money than album sales would, and you’ll feel slightly better about hearing the music at no cost. If you hold grudges against bands for aligning with a label you loathe, disregard everything I just said, and continue downloading to your little heart’s content.

And that’s it. I’m going to shower and leave for work.


  1. Jill H.

    People SHOULD STOP illegal downloading. It is not like record companies are going to increase the percentage of albums sales that the artists get. Why would they when they seem to be making a lot of money?? So by illegally downloading music you are taking even more money from the pockets of the artists that like you said don’t get paid very much in the first place. Illegal downloading is STEALING. IT IS TAKING SOMTHING THAT YOU DON’T OWN WITHOUT PAYMENT OF ANY KIND. Would you shop lift from your local record store? That is pretty much what you are doing by downloading the songs online. AND also by buying a t-shirt doesn’t make up for the music that you STOLE. The t-shirt its self cost money to make and ship so it is not like the artist gets all the money that you pay because they have to pay the place they bought it from. By wearing a t-shirt of band you are saying you support them when you are obviously not because you are STEALING from them.

  2. bert

    You’re right about McGuinness– guy opens his mouth, and misleading and backwards shit comes pouring out. I had the same reaction you did when I heard his speech: “What, so the ISP is supposed to just, out of the charity in their hearts for the bloodsucking music label, erase money from their own wallets to enforce a law they don’t even like?”

    Paul is basically saying, “Okay, ISP’s. We’ve done all we can to get rid of our customers, but we’re going to need your help to alienate them completely.” Ugh.

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  5. […] two years ago I claimed that everything and everyone Bono touches turns to shit. He is a despicable human being whose self-absorption and megalomania is rivaled only by Sean Penn. […]

  6. […] I want him to fail miserably at everything he does. Stupid Bono. I told you all two years ago that “Everyone Bono Touches Turns To Turds”. Since then, construction halted on the U2 Tower in Ireland, and made more horrible investments […]

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