• Whoever writes these news stories for AOL.com is a complete moron. Yesterday in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, a sixteen year old girl named Elizabeth Mohl was killed when she fell from a carnival ride called Air Glory while attending a local Christian Music festival. And then, to quote the article, “An autopsy [is] schedule for Monday, but Hable said Mohl likely died from the fall.” Well, no fucking shit! What else could she have died from? Did she overdose on drugs mid-fall? Did her brain cease functioning in the moments before the malfunction? What the fuck!? [story]

• A baby mammoth was recently discovered frozen in Siberia. “Scientists hope the animal might yield DNA samples that could be used to clone and effectively resurrect the extinct members of the elephant family.” Their goal sounds nice and all, but I have two problems with it. The first is, why would we want to resurrect a long extinct creature when we can’t even keep the ones currently inhabiting earth alive. What about Bengal tigers, or black rhinos? Aren’t those important now? Secondly, this animal died 10,000 years ago. It was weeded out. Darwinism at its most basic. Why the hell are you going to try and bring it back? Clearly it couldn’t survive ages ago, where’s the sense in giving it a second crack at existence? [story]

• Someone came up with a list of 237 reasons to have sex. Notably absent from the list: “because she says ‘No’”, and “It’s better than talking to her.” Shockingly, this study confirmed that men and women think differently about sex. Meanwhile, there’s still no cure for AIDS and the dumbest percentile of the population continues to outgrow the intellectuals, further weakening our species. [story]

• Maybe help is on the way, at least for me. Researchers at MIT seem to have identified a mechanism behind fear, and successfully cured it in mice. What does this mean? Well, I can stop worrying about evolutionary dysgenics, and maybe I can also move past my crippling fear of vomit. [story]

What will I do with my new found freedom? Why, I will spend all of my savings without any hesitation. If I no longer fear debt and lack-of-income, I can blissfully hand all my money away to the local record store, until my collection rivals the person in this video. My favorite part of the exchange:

“Queensrich.”
“Queensrÿche.”

In case you’re wondering, that clip is from the documentary film Vinyl, which everyone should see. Even if you’re not into record collecting, it gives great insight into the world of collectors and hobbyists in general. The consensus, of course, is that they’re all fucked in the head.

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