On News
By Evan ~ June 23rd, 2007. Filed under: world news.
• New Jersey has a new celebrity living within its borders. The World’s Ugliest Dog — a two-year-old Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix — resides in Sewell. This is by far the grossest thing I have laid eyes on in quite some time (and I saw a picture of Kirsten Dunst in a magazine last week when I was at the supermarket). The thing can barely open its eyes, it’s tongue is way to big for its mouth, and it’s hairless except for a grey mohawk. It looks like a shaved sewer rat with cancer. Why hasn’t this thing been put down by its owners? It could be carrying a disease. [story]
• From the “It’s Not News, It’s CNN” department, comes this incredible headline: “Docs: Sand More Deadly Than Sharks”. This breakthrough in journalism should not be taken lightly. I’ve read a lot of newspapers and watched a lot of cable news in my life, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen an instance in which such damning evidence has been brought to light. 16 deaths in 16 years? That’s like one death per year! And it’s summer now, and people are going to the beach. They’re playing in the sand. They very same sand that could possibly kill ONE PERSON IN THE COUNTRY THIS YEAR! Nobody is safe. Jesus Christ, whoever filed this report should win the Pulitzer, and then they should just end the prize. No one can top this. Not now, not ever. [story]
• A New Mexico federal judge denied the RIAA from engaging in discovery, which means they will be quite difficult for them to obtain information about students from the University of New Mexico. Thankfully, this could signal a change in future litigation. If other judges choose to follow suit, the process of weeding out copyright infringers will become more expensive and time consuming for the music industry lobby group. …Which is good and bad. It’s good because maybe they’ll give up and admit defeat. It’s bad because the more attention they have to pay to lawsuits is less attention they can focus on how labels are releasing shittier music than I ever remember being subjected to in all of my life. [story]
• You can stop visiting those 9/11 truth sites now. Another study supports the WTC collapse findings. If you were ever dumb enough to put on one, you can take your tinfoil hat off now. There’s no government conspiracy. Reading those scribes from the batshit crazy science fiction nerds is almost frightening. The complete lack of common sense some people have. It reminds me of that South Park episode with the whole, “Most people believe the truth, but one-fourth of the population is retarded!” quote. Thanks a lot, Internet, for giving these people a forum for their paranoid schizophrenic outbursts. Although, on the plus side, at least we never have to bump into any of those basement dwellers on the street. [story]
Last night I met some people for drinks at a local brewpub. The beer menu didn’t list prices, so before I knew it I was $48 in the hole. This probably doesn’t seem so bad to people who are used to going out and drinking, but when you’re on a self-imposed $50 a week food budget, it pretty much sucks. Afterwards, some of us took in a slightly-drunken MST3K-like viewing of The Shining.


